Monday, December 6, 2010

the Generation, the fear of happiness because it's selfish

So a couple of weeks ago, I was mugged in Nagtahan. I had to replenish my bag of... everything. Yes, especially the kikay kit. I know you guys are rolling your eyes at the mere sound of "KIKAY KIT". Man, this girl's freaking maarte.

I've been spending the last weeks replenishing and in the process, loving myself. Yes, its so totally gay, loving myself. But I've been eating fruits everyday. The other night I ate tomatoes and lettuce. I drink tons of water, I moisturize moisturize moisturize, I no longer don eyeliner, I dress up everyday, I get 8 hours of sleep, I do fake-yoga (stretch stretch stretch), I bought Php?,000 of me stuff.

Until a while ago, I spent 200 pesos on a pedicure. My feet look beautiful now, my toes are painted holiday red.

BUT 200 PESOS? This is how a yuppy overindulge.

What I'm actually thinking is: Am I being selfish?

I've been bombarded with quotable psychological facts the past days. Desire is the flaw of nature. Desire is the reason why men suffer. Freud states that suffering is caused by desire oppressed because of cultural norms.

Then the big Freudan announcement: Happiness is man's goal in life.

Then I there's this journalist from Time Magazine, Joel Stein, who I absolutely adore, and he wrote about this generations Narcissism Epidemic. Let me quote (as he quoted from another author) "We are living in an age of Individualism, a radical philosophical shift that began with Freud ".

It speaks about personal branding and how decades ago such concept is unthinkable.

Is our generations selfish? As humankind, is it selfish to be happy? AM I SELFISH FOR SPENDING 200 PESOS ON HOLIDAY RED TOE NAILS WHEN KULIGLIG DRIVERS ARE LOSING THEIR LIVELIHOOD? (In my defense, I didnt know it would be 200 pesos. I thought it would be 130 pesos at the most. And it was just 170 pesos. But then I tipped 20 pesos. Why am I defending myself? Im not nga guilty diba?)

And why am I writing this?

Literary sessions with TWG almost always frown upon PERSONAL pieces. Personal poems. Anything that is just too much about yourself. (Of course everything you write will have you in it, otherwise, why write. Gawd I disclaim too much. I need to gain dignity.) When you write something that is just for you it's mental masturbation. ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS NOT INTERESTING TO ANYBODY ELSE BUT YOU.. SUCH AS.... YOURSELF!

That's why when I first read Joel Stein, my initial thought was "Why the hell did Time let an egoist write in a such a serious subscription?"

But I liked reading him anyway.

I'm writing because I realized that sometimes, I should stop being afraid of Narcissism. So what if you guys dont care about me being mugged, my kit, Joel Stein, or TWG. Or of my 200 pesos pedicure.

Maybe someone will read this long entry anyway and enjoy it. If not, well, atleast I cleared my head. And it's not selfish to clear my head, is it?